My dad just yelled “I SWEAR I’LL CUT OFF WHAT’S LEFT OF YOUR DICK IF YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY COKE DON’T YOU DARE” and I came in the room like what the fuck and it was my dad holding up a shoe and my cat sitting by a glass of coca-cola with his paw almost touching inside of it and both of them didn’t even break eye contact with each other
I’m so done with my life
i have 3 moods:
- skips every song on my ipod
- lets the music play without interruption
- plays the same song on repeat for days
Girl you better count from 2 to 10 cause I am not the 1
About 4 summers ago, I was strolling around NYC looking for a cafe to read in (I hate Starbucks). While looking, I stumbled upon an acrobatic group. They claimed they could get 7 people in a line and jump over them. So I went to see.
I was just standing in the crowd, minding my own business, when one of the performers (who was black) calls on the guy standing next to me and says, “Yo dude, I see you got jungle fever over there. Diggin the sistas huh?” I stood there thinking, “How embarrassing” (Afterall, the implications of the phrase “jungle fever” are very insulting).
The guy next to me, to whom the performer was addressing, says “HELL YES I DIG THEM! Especially when they’re this gorgeous.” The performer replies with, “Mind if we use her for the performance?” The guy turns to me, smiles and says, “I let my girlfriend make her own decisions”…. I froze in realization that these two men were talking about ME this whole time.
In the words of said guy later that day, “[Chuckle] Are you always late to the game? How’d you miss the fact that we were talking about you?”
Did I mention this guy was hot…
Long story short, I stood for the performance and the guy ended up asking me for my number and becoming my actual boyfriend.
do NOT let anyone tell u that america is free, i tried to buy it once and it is in fact very very expensive
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you can’t have anymore food and I’m just never ready for that kind of commitment